I’m A Child Of Immigrants, Living Life Out Of Obligation. Here’s How I Broke the Pattern.

It was Spring 2006, I was 24 and already drained by my first real job.

I was working in Washington, DC, a city renowned for power and ambition. While I was hungry to make a contribution, I was exhausted by the big titles and even bigger egos.

I needed a break, but I didn’t want to disappoint my family.

I’m a child of immigrants.

And in my family, we always work. The idea of taking a break was not only foreign, it felt impossible. Moreover, I wanted to honor my family’s name. Despite being an entry level position, my job looked cool. I was meeting powerful people and traveling to interesting places.

Truthfully, I enjoyed the optics of it all.

But optics only go so far.

I hit a breaking point and began to fray. That’s when I ran into Dr. John Hamre, the head of the organization. Despite having a full schedule he sat down and listened my concerns. He heard my desire to balance service, love of family with self preservation.

He looked at me and spoke gently yet firmly,

“Children best honor their parents by being true to themselves.”

I lowered my head and nodded.

I was living life out perceived obligation.

This obligation was a cultural and generational pattern that felt deeply constraining. The best way I could honor my family was to be an embodied example of authentic expression. I needed to break the pattern.

A week later, I submitted my resignation and soon after left DC.

It’s been over 15 years since that conversation, and those words continue to guide me.

While our conversation focused on parental dynamics, I now see its application to many parts of my life. I’ve used this wisdom anytime I’ve considered diverging from conventional pathways to follow my own calling. It has bolstered me during critical periods when I’ve considered living abroad or shifting careers.

These words offer courage and remind me of my mission.

If you find yourself struggling with a major life decision like I was, just remember:

You honor others by being true to yourself.

By being authentic, you break societal constraints and you show others its possible to do so too.

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